Someday stays in my own way

music speaks for me

2005-11-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

"Lookin for something that I can believe in
Lookin for something that I'd like to do with my life
There's nothin behind me and nothin that ties me
To somethin that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be there today
And I don't know what the future is holdin in store
I don't know where I'm goin, I'm not sure where I've been"
~John Denver, "Sweet Surrender"

"Take it easy
Take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
And take it easy"
~The Eagles - "Take it Easy"

i like those lyrics, especially right now... eh, i guess they explain some things better than i can

nylf

2005-10-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

NYLF ROCKS THE CASBAH
just so you know

i had the most fun i think i could have had, pictures will be developed soon

god what freakin awesome memories

O.o

2005-10-13T20:25:00.000-06:00

o.O

do you ever catch yourself being something you absolutely do not want to be? i certainly do... and i realize it in the middle of a conversation, or while walking down the street, or while typing something... so then i just stop, and ya know, i get mad that im being w/e it is that i dont want to be, but of course i end up doing it again... and again... and again. idk, im not always like that, my convictions will occasionally show up in my personality, but its just really annoying to keep acting in this way, being something i dont really want to be... id like to figure out how to stop that

that thing we listened to at tok was not too cool.... i guess its easy to use one sided arguments and propaganda when no one is there to debate against you.... of course i suppose thats maybe what i do whenever i write an opinion about something.... but im going to tell you what i think of what that guy said anyway. for those of you in my class, you know what im talking about. otherwise, this gist of this guys essay was that history repeats itself, that the war with iraq is like the civil war (i wont explain exactly why), and it will prove to be good, that preemptive action on the part of bush's administration is very good (and good in general when concerning wars), and that pacifists are cowardly and selfish. idk, i probably shouldnt get too into this, cuz ill get a bit TOed, but i think that the whole preemptive thing is a little shaky... i would say hitler thought he was being preemptive in murdering millions of people, preventing them from hurting the aryan race... that really wasnt a good preemptive action now was it? and to say that pacifists are selfish... well see, that whole preemptive thing, the idea that we are preventing iraq from hurting us, well, that too is selfish my friend. im not exactly sure where i stand on pacifism, but im not one to resort to war in any and all circumstances...

lately ive really taken out my filter for what i say... i mean, i didnt used to filter it much before, but still, every once in a while when id IM someone, i would read over what i had written to see what i thought about it... now i find that i just type/say whatever comes to mind... i dont take as much time to think it through.... thats a virtue and a vice i think... so sorry if things i say seem more weird than normal... although ive always said weird things, so maybe the difference will be so slight it wont be noticed

it seems hard to find something when you dont know what you're looking for... idk exactly where im coming from with that, but i guess its sort of a collection of thoughts from many years all rolled into one sentence

i really enjoying hugging people... you should be prepared for hugs cuz im prepared to give them at any random point in the day.... or night :O yes, yes.... idk, i think hugs are just my way of saying "you make me happy in some way, even if its in a little way, you make me happy"... now if you dont want hugs, thats understandable, we all express our gratitude in different ways and some of us just dont like... touching... so tell me, and ill stop doing it to you... otherwise, get ready for it

idk... im still really stuck on the idea of finding something when you dont know what you're looking for....

i guess this little piece shows that my favorite way to write is through a stream of consciousness... its easy for me i suppose

peter pan is the man

2005-09-25T16:05:00.000-06:00

i <3 peter pan

i just watched hook, i looove that movie... i love the peter pan cartoon movie too

makes me wish i could visit neverland, how sweet that would be

sandlot, homecoming, moods, garden state, and cereal

2005-09-18T20:06:00.000-06:00

mmm i just finished watching the sandlot, what a good movie. its so funny, and those kids do such crazy stuff. reminds me of my childhood. i mean, i didnt play baseball or run from giant ferocious doggies (except one time), but my friends and i did weird fun stuff. i sware we were so weird as kids, but just so cool. i wish i was still that creative. i mean, i never have ideas like i used to, like using a laundry basket as a pirate ship to navigate around the house... or maybe its just that im too big to fit in that laundry basket anymore... lol while i was just writing that last sentence, i realized its both a literal and metaphorical thing... hah and i love how i just wrote that even though its obvious... i like pointing out the obvious things

homecoming was fun, im glad i went. i didnt have really any expectations for the night, cuz ya know, its not exactly my type of music or anything so i didnt know how much i would enjoy it, but the atmosphere and the people i was with made it fun and i enjoyed myself very much. dinner was great, the spinner on the table, ro ro putting her fork down to try to decide who would spin it and then yang saying she should cuz she is chinese...lol even though kelsey too is chinese... that was a fun little part of dinner. i kinda liked stepping out of the convos for a while too and just watching everyone. it was like some movie where they show this big family sitting down to dinner at like christmas or something and everyone is taking food from the middle and chatting and laughing and smiling, and you dont hear what people are saying, you just hear the buzzing of words flying around and its like, this is nice... i like this. yeah dancing was generally fun too, i like randomly flailing parts of my body around...and they played my song, "dont you wish your girlfriend was CRUNK like me" hahahah i loved it.

so yeah now im just here hanging out.... idk, ya know i get weird cuz i dont have much to complain about and things are going well right now, ive had fun the past few days and ive seen my friends who i adore, but i still just... idk, get in moods alot where im just not really that happy.... eh idk, its an easy mood to get out of if i just figure out something to do... we all get like that dont we? yes yes i bet you all get like that too

i really like garden state. there are just certain parts where i think, wow, thats exactly how i feel all the time put into words and made into an awesome movie. and the soundtrack is just beautiful... i loooooove it.

i love cereal too... im gonna go get me some cinnamon life

the sky was gold, it was rose

2005-08-30T20:23:00.000-06:00

sometimes i get in these moods and i just go outside and look up at the sky, and this evening, i looked toward the mountains and saw the sun starting to set, falling behind the clouds and reflecting off of them, creating these really beautiful colors, and standing there in the street, i just felt at ease, i felt peaceful, i felt happy... and its like no matter what is going on in my life, i can let it go for a minute to look up to the gorgeous sky and feel content. i really like that feeling

"the sky was gold, it was rose, i was taking sips of it to my nose"

jumpin on the bandwagon

2005-08-17T02:26:00.000-06:00

hey so im gonna jump on the bandwagon (not something i generally do) everyone else is on for their blogs lately, simply because it got me thinking about things when i read everyones posts.

so... living. thats what we're all doing right? it seems like there is some minimum requirement, some level we have to reach before we are "living". so im thinking about this level of living it seems we need to reach. how does one go about achieving this level of living? are there certain experiences we must have before we can be considered "living"? i mean, what if you do something totally amazing, some crazy adventure that most people never experience but always want to, and you walk away from the experience having learned nothing, having the same point of view on life? is that living? or what if you do some mundane activity that people do everyday, without even thinking about what they are doing because it is so bland and ordinary, but you have this revelation about life because of it and you are changed, maybe not a lot but you are changed, because of it? is this living? am i living?
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

i dunno... i do like the idea of us giving our own meaning to life. i know we cant control everything, in fact there are so many things we cant control, but there is something we can do, we can choose to go out and do things or we can choose not to for fear of whatever it is that scares us. even through pain and anger and sadness, i think i prefer doing something and regretting it rather than not doing something and wondering what could have been and then regretting not doing it. i mean i dont have a lot of regrets thus far (though there are some), but if im going to have regrets, id rather have experiences to accompany them. and as far as choosing whether or not to do something because of the risks that accompany it, i just think of this quote from Waking Life: "What is the most universal human characteristic, fear or laziness?" are we afraid of taking risks and having experiences, or are we just too lazy? and is laziness perhaps just a manifestation of fear, because we dont want to admit we are afraid so we play it off as something else? idk, but lately i have been trying not to have that fear. natalie said something to me about life that i like: "Sometimes you gotta let go of your fears and inhibitions and jump into that moshpit". well, moshpit may not be the preferred analogy for some of you, but it is my cup of tea :). and the analogy works and its true. you might get a little beat up in the pit, but if you never go in, you always wish you would have, even if only for a few minutes.

as far as the whole ups and downs of life thing goes, i know people will complain, and thats ok cuz i will too. its ok to complain sometimes, and everyone does, its just a matter of realizing that you do have some control and you can do something about what is going on in your life. its also a matter of looking at the good and bad, like rohini said, and looking at what you can learn from your experience. its all about perspective man.
"The reason why I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity is that I think it has something very important to offer us... I'm afraid were losing the real virtues of living life passionately, in the sense of taking responsibility for who you are, the ability to make something of yourself, and feeling good about life. Existentialism is often discussed as if it were a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. Sartre, once interviewed, said he never felt one minute of despair in his life. One thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance, of feeling on top of it, it's like your life is yours to create. Ive read the post modernists with some interest, even admiration, but when I read them I always have this awful nagging feeling that something absolutely essential is getting left out. The more you talk about a person as a social construction or as a confluence of forces or as being fragmented of marginalised, what you do is you open up a whole new world of excuses. And when Sartre talks about responsibilty, he's not talking about something abstract. He's not talking about the kind of self or souls that theologians would talk about. He's talking about you and me talking, making decisions, doing things, and taking the consequences. It might be true that there are six million people in this world, and counting, but nevertheless, what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms, it makes a difference to other people, and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is that we should never write ourselves off or see eachother as a victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are."

i dunno man, i dunno

2005-08-16T11:59:00.000-06:00

i dunno man, i dunno... thats my catch phrase of the week, just because i say it all the time but im not quite sure why. i bet freud would say i have some repressed socially unacceptable sexual desire stemming from childhood. you see that kids, im pulling out that freudian psychology, preparing to return to school. haha, listening to czech music makes me realize how much i just dont understand, the czech language being just one of the things i dont understand. im not even sure i really try to understand anymore, i just go along and think that maybe understanding will just smack me right in the face sometime. not a hard smack or anything, lol, im not one for pain. so this czech music though, its just really cool, its kinda like flogging molly in a way, only slightly less instrumental, and im not sure what they are singing about, obviously, which actually makes it better anyway. see, because i dont know what they are singing about, i get to pretend whatever i want, so the songs are just for fun without any deeper thought expected of myself. its awesome. and it makes me think of being in prague and buying kick ass beads and going into sex museums and meeting cool german kids in the town square and just walking around in the middle of a city where all i know how to say is "please", "thank you", and "hello". man it was fun, it seems like forever since we went to europe now. thats basically how the whole summer has seemed. all the little things sort of mingle together in my memory like some very distant experiences and i cant tell what day something happened or who i was with necessarily, its just some vague memory of sitting in my house talking about some inane subject. its kind of weird because i was thinking about my childhood memories, not the impactful ones that ill never forget, but just the little things, like watching my brother play a video game or setting up cones in the backyard and running around them. those are things that i sometimes wonder if they really happened, or if i just dreamed them at some point and they seeped into my memory. maybe i did dream alot of it, but does that make a difference? i dunno man, i dunno

better than boys

2005-07-26T13:06:00.000-06:00

well at least this is better than thinking about boys

I stepped outside, without shoes, my feet were slightly damp, and the first thing I thought was, "Will I remember the way the street I grew up on smells after rain? The way the houses seem to linger under the hazy aura emanating from the streetlight? The way the school stairs become stars, glittering and twinkling from dew drops that cling to their edges? The way the pitter-patter sounds as I walk into the street, moistening the ends of my pant leg? Will I remember any of these seemingly inconsequential things, or will I simply forget them as insignificant daily happenings? For as I well know, ‘remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgetting’." Somehow, at that moment when I stepped into the street, the threshold of what ultimately determined my philosophy of life (at least for the night), I realized these were things I didn’t want to forget. They had some meaning to me that I couldn’t quite understand, but I felt it, and I knew it, and even if only for the briefest of moments, I accepted it as my memory’s fate. I stood still, taking a deep breath through my nostrils, savoring every sensuous scent accompanied by these miniscule raindrops. Radiating through me was the sudden urge to remember every scent, taste, touch, sight…yet it was more than that; it wasn’t simply the senses that I wanted to remember, it was the stirring deep inside that all these senses evoked. It’s not something I can explain, because it isn’t something of the mind or even of the soul. And I realized it wasn’t something I would consciously remember. No, this was something of another realm. The memory would remain in my skin, my bones, my flesh. It was all very peculiar, but it was home, and it was the first time in a long time I felt at home. It was only a moment, but it was eternity. And in that momentary eternity, I knew I was home.

mmm i thought about not posting that, but since i typed it here first, im going to go with that and just post it

2005-07-21T22:41:00.000-06:00

i dont want to be an ant

gah i hate being attracted to someone and liking them and everything. it seems to take up all my thoughts and that sucks. there are so many other, more important things to think about, yet i cant because i can only think about one thing. and i end up just feeling like a lame teenager because i cant stop thinking about liking someone. blahhhh, i hate that i like thinking about him.

2005-07-21T03:35:00.000-06:00

i dunno why i update this thing, mostly out of boredom i think

its weird how something that is so good can be so bad at the same time, and it makes you wonder if its worth it or not

what gives

2005-07-19T00:49:00.000-06:00

do you ever feel like you're watching the people around you in this sort of awe at the amazing, fun things they are embarking upon and then look at your life and think, hmm.... what the hell is this?! yeah i dunno, im sorta feeling that way... its weird i guess. its like i look and see people doing awesome stuff, and i try to get in on that awesome stuff, and sometimes i do, but then it never lasts long enough (i dont really know what long enough is) and i end up feeling like nothing awesome is happening and memories become just that, memories. old events that are only exciting in my memory, which isnt a very exciting place anyway. and then i sort of wonder if maybe this is how life is anyway, or maybe im being selfish wanting all these things. and maybe i should embrace and enjoy relaxation time, and i want to but i just cant, and the ambivalence of it all just sucks sometimes.

so then i just sit and think for a while and realize it doesnt matter. i dont think life is something to figure out anyway... which makes me hate the fact that i always try to figure it out, despite all logic about it.

dance party and such

2005-07-10T13:35:00.000-06:00

so kids, the dance party was pretty sweet, even if not everyone danced, i thought it was fun and the dancing part was awesomely awesome. all you kids who did dance, even just a little, you rock...alot...and i love you. yes its true, you are loved, and you know it. anyway yeah. so um i dont know what else is going on, random stuff. nicolas is coming soon, thats cool. i got the movie shawshank redemption for my b day and i watched it today, it is definitely one of my top 3 favorite movies. if you've never seen it, borrow it from me, its just a really good movie, and it leaves you feeling thoughtful and content, as long as you are in the right mood to watch it, which means you cant be hyper when you watch it, no bueno. i also got chocolat (thanks teesa, i love you kid!). i watched that with my mommy the other day, also a good movie. i dunno, if you are really into action movies, then dont take my advice on movies, but otherwise, those are two good movies ive just mentioned. im gonna watch family guy now though, so later kids

realizing what life is

2005-06-24T18:42:00.000-06:00

today was a good day for realizations that make life so much better

for the past few months, ive basically been defining my own self worth based on intelligence, how i compare to others, and what im best at academically. now, im not trying to put myself down or get pity, but this way of giving my self worth is horrible, especially considering i am competing with the best of the best, i honestly dont measure up to alot of the people around me. now this sounds like a bad thing, but then today i started thinking about my sister and special olympics. i love my sister to death, more than anything in the world, and i would do anything for her, and i love every kid at special olympics. i hate to think what i would be like if i didnt have these people in my life. they have made me into the person i am today, into the open and understanding person i have become. i dont think i would be half the person i am if it wasnt for my sister. and its not just me, its my whole family, its my friends, its anyone who shows caring and compassion for my sister and other people like her. my moms friend was explaining to me how in the past, mentally disabled people were mainly looked down upon and teased. i cant even imagine that, i cant stand that thought. and it makes me so happy that my sister has a family who loves her to death and a group of friends, not only hers but my friends also, that would do anything for her. and the impact on my life because of her is so huge i cant explain it. im so grateful she is my sister. i feel that my growth as an individual is highly impacted by my sister and im so thankful for it. there are some people who dont treat their siblings like they ought to, and it just makes me feel really good that i can be there for my sister no matter what. i think measuring myself in this way is so much better not only for my happiness, but for my continual growth as a thoughtful individual. i dont know who will read this, but chances are you have met my sister and if you have, then i know you have shown her an amazing amount of understanding and friendship and i think thats awesome and you all should feel great for doing that.

dont ask, i dont know why

2005-05-23T22:35:00.000-06:00

"And at night I dream about that smile and the jealousy that’s gleaming on our teeth…". Tunes and lyrics perpetually drift through my mind. They are some sort of psychotic, free roaming creatures that I can never rid myself of. Why did I try, what was I thinking? From time to time, a peer out of my window jerks me back into the real world, that of gray skies and occasional sprinkles of ghost white snow . . . yes, ghost white seems a fitting description. Sometimes I think I’d like living in this ghost town forever. A strange tranquility accompanies my friends, the snowflakes. I’m tempted to join them, like they are beckoning me in a chillingly familiar voice. But like everything else it seems, they thaw away at the slightest hint of a break in the clouds. My chance of escape melted away once more, leaving me here to be devoured by the hideous things I dare not describe, for even in my mind they are foul enough to kill. These days, I can’t help but feel that way, and I can’t stand it either. The ambivalence of the situation wrenches my soul. Feeble attempts just to be mediocre crush me more, excruciatingly cruel, leaving me somber, at most. Why did I try, what was I thinking? Perhaps . . . is it possible I was thinking that I might be successful? What a fool . . . I can hear it echo again and again . . . what a fool. If the snow cannot avoid execution by sunlight, what made me think I could do this? My ghost town would let the snow thrive forever . . . would let me succeed; even if only for a moment, a small sliver of brazen victory would be mine. But the snow perished long ago . . . I cannot look out the window any longer. With more passion than that of a Shakespearean play, I envy those who look out the window. They mock the snow; they maim my desires. I cringe when I think of how they abuse their ability, how they bruise their own possibilities and try to steal anything I could have had. The sun consumes the life of the snow, and so it is this way. Why did I try, what was I thinking?

Oh god, I miss the salty sweetness on my tongue, lingering in my nostrils, caressing my hair like fingers of an angel. When I close my eyes and listen, I return to my sanctuary a million miles away. Nature is beautiful in that way, in it’s immaculate idea of making the sound of wind in the trees outside my window just like that of ocean waves. With my eyes closed, the lamp becomes my dazzling sunlight, the carpet surrounding my bed is grains of sand, and of coarse the wind. The wind that triggered the memories of every scent, taste, touch, sound, thought… that wind will sweep me away as if I were nothing more than a spec of dust, in all my airborne glory, ready to explore my world. Soon I can reach down and grab a handful of speckled pieces, sifting them through my fingers again and again. I can let my toes delve into the mystery underneath the grit. I can feel my skin basking in the warmth of sunlit skies. I can crack open an eye and see miles of tireless, sparkling diamonds, constantly swirling down into the blue depth. I can hear a seagull chirp, beckoning others to follow. I can feel a soft breeze that dances with my dress and sprinkles me with a light mist. I can see it, hear it, feel it, smell it, taste it. And at night, I can lie in my bed, letting the soothing sound of the ocean waves lull me into sleep, all outside my window. Suddenly I am back in my room, the sound of the wind in the trees outside my window… or is it the ocean? I close my eyes and I don’t have to know, I let my mind marinate with the possibilities.

"I’m not letting myself feel like this anymore. I’m not doing this anymore." She whispers this constantly under her breath, letting a few strands of useless hair fall across her eyes. Her eyes just as bland and unconcerned as her hand reaching for the pen. A sheet of paper lay in front of her, mocking her thoughts, taunting her relentlessly. "I have to try, nothing will ever happen if I don’t at least try." She is absorbed into this idea, this inane, ridiculous idea. She wraps it around herself, around every curve of her body, "…nothing will ever happen if I don’t at least try"… this is her safety blanket she should have shoved in a drawer years ago. She slides down in her chair, slumped over like a doll on a dusty shelf. She holds the pen in her hand for quite some time, desperately hoping that inspiration will leap out of the deep, thick ink. She gets up, leaving the pen and paper as evidence of her failure. The front door creaks from age as she opens it slowly. There she stands outside. Drenched in rain with a look of despair on her face, one might mistake her for some sort of strange, lost animal. Her eyelashes grow heavy with rain, a few drops fall from her quivering lips. She doesn’t move from her spot, she lets the downpour engulf her spirit. Her tears are indistinguishable under the umbrella of water. She collapses; a rock skims the side of her cheek as her head meets the pavement; her arm bends into a disfigured shape and her spine wraps around a sharp edge. Blood traces down the cement step. Now there is only one cloud, and it pours solely on her body.

bring on the rain

2005-04-21T00:15:00.000-06:00

its raining right now...i kinda like it, its nice. i had a good night tonight, it was just nice to relax rather than work. i mean, just by the end of monday night, i felt overloaded and fairly morose, but tonight was just...nice. i had a fun night at the improv show, but its sad because some of my favorite people in the show are seniors. i think it'll still be a success next year though. i think it'd be so fun to do that, but id get major stage fright. i cant even stand it when people just read my own writing in front of me, i dont know, it just bothers me to think that they are sitting there reading my paper, analyzing and criticizing it to death, and i cant do anything about what they think of it. itd be the same way for me on a stage, knowing these people are all around me criticizing every move i make, but thats why i dont do drama of any sort!

i was thinking of how fast it feels like this year has gone by. when its happening, it seems like eternity, but afterwards, you kind of wonder where the hours and days have gone. it used to seem really weird to me that college is coming soon, but i guess ive grown accustomed to the idea. lol, im just worried that i will go somewhere that is not sunny enough and ill end up not getting enough light, my seratonin levels will go down and ill get all depressed. hah, i dont see that really happening though. one thing i honestly am worried about for college is what im going to do with myself as far as my major and such goes. the things i am passionate about are not my strengths, i.e. music (i love music, but i dont even play an instrument), or writing (i write alot, that doesnt mean it is good though). i thought trying to be well rounded in my studies now would help me figure out what im good at, but it really hasnt helped. then again, i am only 16, so maybe i dont have ot figure that out yet...ill just pretend im still in elementary school when every subject was my strength and i didnt care what i excelled in anyway. works for me...for now at least.

i should just say no

2005-04-18T23:25:00.000-06:00

i should just say no to doing homework, im just sick of it right now. i seriously have no idea what to write for the TOK title paper, or any idea of what to do for my english oral, which i have some time to think about. yeah and i figured out today that i know nothing about history and i dont know why im taking the ap test for that. im just hoping to do well on the ap french and psych, or else i think i will just stop trying. yeah and speaking of psych, its pretty nifty that wetmore assigned a 5 page paper due the week testing starts, thats just neato, isnt it? oh summer needs to come and kidnap me and force me to do fun things and stress less about school.

keep on rollin'

2005-04-17T12:02:00.000-06:00

well the last few days have been super duper fun and iiiii like it. metro chem day on friday was sooo awesome, it was great just hanging out with everyone and cheering on andy, chris, nathan and anthony, who won the chem bowl! nice. yah and driving there with sarah and himanshu was really fun, even if we got a wee bit lost :P . it was great being with himanshu, sarah and mal the whole day and i cant wait until himanshu prints out the pics, mal and i chased some pigeons! haha yeah. i think chem bowl was probably the most fun ive had in a while, which just goes to show you why chemistry pays off! yah, and then friday night was fun, i hung out down at the 16th street mall with alex and a couple kids i didnt really know, sean and david, but they were cool and really funny so yah. yesterday during the day, bonnie, alex, devon and i went around to peoples houses to see them in their prom dresses (regis prom). i didnt get to see winnie with her hair all done and her dress on, but im sure she looked marvelous! and then last night i just hung out with lotsa fun people: austin, bon, alex, devon, and then later with bre, nat, andrew, vitaly, yuriy, darryl, and nikki. it was pretty cool, even though bre kept saying we werent friends anymore and then changing her mind! but i had fun anyway. so now i just have homework to do, but im ok with that because i took the weekend as my break, so i suppose i can get back to working again. gah, i cant believe all the testing starts in like 2 weeks :O . all you IB/AP kids, are you a little nervous? cuz yah i am. im thinking the chem test is gonna be hard and i think the euro test will be, for me, but ive got my fingers crossed. anyway, im out for now, laters kiddos, be good

"Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, love more and all good things will be yours" ~Swedish Proverb

snowy day, hip hip hooray

2005-04-10T20:25:00.000-06:00

oh boy it has been snowing like crazy and iiiiii like it. i got alot of things done that i needed to get done, i.e. CAS stuff and reviewing more for AP tests. i feel like i am a lot more productive this year than i have ever been and its really nice because it makes me feel like ill be ok when i get to college. ive had a good weekend besides today too. i got to hang out with jessi again on friday which was great, and we went to this really cool animation show with joe, bonnie, mal and celena. i didnt know much about the show, but it was really cool and i really really liked it and bonnie did too. and i hung out with bonnie and alex saturday night all night for like the first time in a long time. and i saw alliy and winnie that day too! it was very much fun. and now i really feel like summer is here b/c its soo close. im excited for that cuz im going to europe and thats exciting. hmm so yeah i hope that tomorrow, if nothing else, school is at least delayed, i love sleeping in....and sleeping in general.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
--Agatha Christie

i...dont know...

2005-04-07T23:03:00.000-06:00

so i feel like writing right now, but i dont know what about. i sware i have a million things on my mind...plus two. its getting a little hard to sort things out right now. its funny because over spring break, while visiting colleges, i was totally focused on college and how that is only a year and a half away, and then i got back to school and remebered that i still have a ton of stuff to do to finish high school up. i think i was just looking a little too far ahead into the future. so now im just looking at this summer and already i get the feeling it is going to go by really quickly. and its like everyone is going away, all the seniors getting ready to go off to college, and like winnie is going to be gone almost the whole summer, jessi is going to be gone the whole summer, although i will be with her for 2 weeks at the beginning, but that is not nearly enough time, and alliy is probably heading out to rhode island for a while. i guess im just gonna miss my friends, thats all. hah yeah i most definitely should be working on history right now. i just dont like my priorities to always be about homework so i mix it up. its more fun that way anyway

random..ish

2005-03-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

so i feel as though some things should really be left untouched because i just screw them up and then ruin something that didnt need to be ruined in the first place. i should probably figure out which things in life not to mess with because i do it much too often and it leads to me not talking to people anymore and it makes me sad.

in other news, alliy is definitely my favorite person, i mean, do you realize what a poet she is? "maturity is accepting imperfections", that is direct from her mouth! isnt that crazy cool?! haha its like she could write for fortune cookies!

"Success is every minute you live. It's the process of living. It's stopping for the moments of beauty, or pleasure; the moments of peace. Success is not a destination that you ever reach. Success is the quality of the journey." ....i kinda like that

make up your own title...it'll be fun

2005-02-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

so my experience of getting wisdom teeth out wasnt very good, or at least not as easy as everyone else described it, but im getting over it now, i think. im bored at home here anyway, but i am not feeling like going out, due to the wisdom teeth thing. ive been bored enough to read alot of other peoples blogs, which i shouldnt because most of them just get me angry and i know they will get me angry before i read them, but i give in and read them anyway. based on what i know about some of these people, i know what they will write, and they write exactly what i think they will, and i realize why i dont really hang out with these people very much anymore. it just gets to the point where you want people to realize that living really isnt so bad, and even though you are a teenager and a rebel and you are supposed to be depressed, its ok to write about good things too, even if other people might think it is shallow (for whatever bizarre reason). it seems like every blog is about how screwed up things are and how bad things can get. i think its just time for the people who claim to be mature to realize that focusing in on the bad honestly is not going to help the situation they are in. sure i think its ok to express your feelings, in fact i encourage it and do it myself (obviously), but just to express the bad and not the good is unhealthy and quite frankly, very annoying; only writing about the bad just seems like a plea for pity. in my opinion, it is better to be liked than pitied, but apparently many people with a blog would disagree with me. anyway, to keep myself balanced, i have had a bad few days, but the good from it has been that i have eaten lots of cheesecake, which is freakin awesome, and my mom bought me a shirt from copper which is pretty sweet. anyway, i think im gonna go watch me a movie! im out, later.

numb

2005-02-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

so i got my wisdom teefs out today so m y lips and chin are all numb and i keep drooling all over and spilling food. its really quite lovely if you like that kind of thing, but i dont. i thought i would be more out of it than this, but im doin ok; im just very calm and somewhat woozy, but not too bad. i feel very special cuz my friends visited me, thanks winnie and alliy! i think we are gonna watch movies at my house tonight, but im not sure yet so yah. i dont know what i am gonna do with myself tomorrow cuz im not goin up to skiing. im so used to doing that every saturday. sad thing though cuz this is the last official practice for skiing! :( what am i going to do all day now? well, prolly just hang out with my skiing friends! we will have to throw lots of dance parties! yesssssss. this is random but its weird cuz i get so obsessed with just one song for a long period, like it used to be "the pornographers daughter" by northstar, and then for a while it was "the sweetest thing" by U2, and now its "suicide medicine" by rocky votolato. its crazy but i like it. so yah...i hope i get to take more vicodin soon cuz my teefs are startin to hurt a wee bit. ok so im drooling all over again so i better go. laters gangstas

kids these days, i sware

2005-02-15T23:27:00.000-07:00

so, just a comment that a few people have recently inspired: people are wayyyy too vain. my god, instead of replacing a whole meal with an energy drink so you can lose weight, why not just eat right and exercise? granted i dont always eat right, but im not complaining that i am fat. and the people who do this arent even fat, gosh! it annoys me so much. its better to be healthy than skinny, or at least that is the impression i am under. skinny people arent always healthy anyway. i like how america is the most superficial about appearance and weight, yet we have the most fast food chains that fatten us up. ignorance is an amazing thing. who ever thought that there could be something more to life than appearance? my god, i cant believe i said that, it cant be true! what was i thinking?! gosh, idiot! in the end, ill probably just end up being a hypocrit, i am a teenager and all, you can never tell with me. well now that i got that off my mind, how are you alliy? i dont know when you will read this, but i know you will so yeah. heart you alliy! yeah so....i really like this song by rocky votolato called suicide medicine, its very pretty, "you look smashing in your fourth grade picture, the one that we hung by the door". i have not been to a show in a while, so march will be a good month. i cant wait till northstar tours again. i cant wait till the 4 day weekend! i bet i will hang out with ski team kids, fo sho gangsta! i think ski team should last all year, except without the waking up early. isnt it weird that we are going off to college in a year and a half? i think it is. i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing, we will just have to wait and see.

another day another....night too

2005-02-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

so b/c alliy is the only one who will probably read this, i will aim this blog at her, but not directly, i will just talk, in general, and she will get it. so i am definitely a love doctor, i got my phD at harvard and all, and i have to say that the only way to be loved is to knock down your walls, and do not tell me you do not see the walls, you know that they are there and metaphorical, so metaphorically knock em down kid. so thats exciting. there is going to be a dance party this weekend, which i will enjoy thoroughly, assuming i can go. i think i will, it cant be that bad to get wisdom teeth out, right? so yeah, i am so bad in chem class, it really kicks my ass. skiing is prolly my favorite class....oh wait that isnt a class! oh dang! wellll...thats ok, school can be fun, with friends and all....it just depends on the class and what not. i think i am going to see some hot brazilian boys again, so that is exciting. i dont know about other people i might like, its very strange. anyway, what else should i write..... idk, northstar is good band. its true. they write really good lyrics, like better than i have heard in a long, long time. you know who else is good? simon and garfunkle! lol, yesh. they rock my socks. yeah well i prolly will go up to skiing this week even though i cant ski, its what i look forward to every week, i love my ski team so much! especially alulu! and of coarse wakuna and colfax and flying antelope and moo moo and jaja and dane and roberrrrrt and MANDA and everyone. state will be fun this year too.

so this is a blog eh?

2005-02-12T01:27:00.000-07:00

hmmm, arriy is here....thats alliy, yesh. Slumber party! we made valentines today, it was muy bueno. im excited cuz skiing is tomorrow, yay! its the best. for to have fun!! yesh. alliy is looking at pictures in my room of my friends and family and such. hmmm, so yesh. school is too much work and i procrastinate, so it is not a good mix, but i think every IB student on earth procrastinates. hmmm, i saw some hot brazilian boys today, i liked it alot. yah so anywho, im done. peace out gangstas, fo sho.